Reflection

Do you remember that kid who wanted you to give him something every time he did something gross? His mantra was usually "Hey what will you give me if I eat that?" or "What will you give me if I go..." I never understood this kid. My response was usually "Nothing!" with a look on my face that said "Why are you being stupid?!" No one was asking him to do anything yet he usually wanted to get paid for it.

There is a close kin to this kid but this new kid wants something for every good thing he does. This kid is the bane of all babysitters. His mantra is usually in response to being asked to do something "What do I get if I do?"

 I've been thinking a lot of these two kids because to my surprise I see them when I look into my heart these days. I have no control over my life so I try to get control by having God owe me a favor. "Hey God, what will you give me if I go talk to that person over there that no one likes" or "Hey God, what do I get if I read my Bible every day this week?" I don't do this consciously but I realize that when I don't get something, I get disappointed. That the whole reason I did a good thing was that God could give me something and when he doesn't, like the little boy who didn't get money for doing something no one asked, I'm shocked, sad, and maybe a little angry. Many of us do this, whether we are bargaining with God or with life, we expect to cosmically be paid when we do good or when we have sacrificed.  In regards with Stuart's cancer, if the Lord decides to heal him completely, I can be assured it is because of nothing I have done. God doesn't work that way.

Psalm 40:6-8 says "In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,    but you have given me an open ear.
Burnt offering and sin offering    you have not required. 
Then I said, “Behold, I have come;    in the scroll of the book it is written of me:
I delight to do your will, O my God;    your law is within my heart.”

Psalm 50:16-17 
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

What God wants from me is a contrite heart that delights in doing His will. The sad thing is, as soon as I figure that out, my heart asks "Then do I get what I want?".  I want to get to the point where getting what I want is not a factor to how I live this life. The Lord, out of His goodness, blesses me in so many ways and I am so silly to think I can manipulate Him in any way.

A little bit of laughter

It's not all radiation and sleepless nights around here. Even on some of Aila's most difficult days, daddy can get her laughing. Our sweet baby girl loves to laugh but it is so hard to record it, so I was thrilled to get this little gem. Hope you all enjoy :) 

Sleep Training

If you're trying to find a book on how to get your baby to sleep properly be prepared to look through at least 50 different kinds of books, all different methods but one guarantee, "this method will work". These books also contain reasons why the other 49 do not work and state if you try any of the other methods you will scar your child for life.

There is the "Wait It Out Method" where you just wait on the child to find their own sleep rhythm in there own time. If you choose this method you are put in the "Very Loving Mom" category but are also put in the "Doesn't have a back bone" category.

There is the "Hold your baby all the time" method where you wear your baby constantly and comfort them when needed. Choose this method and you are put in the "Nurturing Mom" category but are also put in the "Spoil your kid" category and "Attachment Issue" category

There is "Pick Up, Put Down" method where you put your baby down in a crib but when they start crying you pick them back up, comfort them, then put them back down. These women get the "Hard work" award but also the "Can't make up your mind" award and "If you just let them cry it out, your problems would be solved" award.

And the "Cry it Out" method where you let your child cry in their crib until they fall asleep. These women get the "Train your child" award and the "Strong woman of the year" award but also the "You don't care about your child" award.

I have come to learn that the hardest part about sleep training is worrying what others are thinking and having to respond to people when they voice that opinion to you. I know so many great mom's in each of these categories and you know what I have realized? That no one puts the way they were sleep trained on their resume.

Something else I've learned is that babies are different! Oh my goodness, some where along the line I forgot that babies are little people, with personalities, and fears, and strengths and weaknesses. That some things come easy for some babies and some are impossible for others. That some need one thing and others need the opposite. I thought that a parent just chooses the way they will sleep train and everything else train and that's what you did. Do you have a lousy sleeper? Parents fault. Do you have a picky eater? Parents fault. Do you have a child who doesn't behave? Parents fault. Well let me tell you, this has been a humbling experience. I ordered a good sleeper who would cry it out for about 10 minutes then fall to sleep, wake up hours! after she has fallen to sleep, would love to eat everything put in front of her...and so on and so forth. But guess what? My little human is her own.

I love my daughter so much and it has been fun figuring out what she needs and how she needs it. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't run the house but I am realizing that not everything she does is manipulation either. I think my ideas of parent raising were more along the lines of raising a soldier other than a child but here comes this precious giggly girl who needs help and understanding. Go figure!

So, my child doesn't sleep. It's really hard for her. She wakes up every hour and sometimes she can put herself back to sleep and sometimes she needs help getting back to sleep. She loves to cuddle and loves to be touched. She is also very curious and left by herself in her crib will play for an hour. All these come into play when trying to figure out how to help her sleep. So pray for us. Pray we may do what is best for our family. Pray we either get some sleep or have the strength to live with out it. Remind us that this is just a phase. And please understand that we are doing everything we believe is best for our us and for our daughter.

7 months!

I can't believe our little girl is already 7 months!

Aila loves to scooch everywhere and is getting pretty quick!
She can sit up on her own.
She does not like any food except for sweet potato, so far.
Sleeps on her tummy with her butt up in the air (so super cute).
She gets super excited when daddy comes home from work.
Still isn't sleeping much.
She is laughing a lot more and is really cuddly (yay).
And she loves to be outside

Here are some of my favorite pictures from her 7 month photo shoot.

 Absolutely love the determination in this picture. She is trying to get to her toy.

And...the photo shoot is over