2 Months!

Our Sweet Aila is two months old! 

She absolutely loves her boppy

She is smiley in the morning after a good nights sleep 

She is "talking" a lot more

If she doesn't have a good nights sleep she is fussy all day

She loves cuddle time with daddy and sleeps well when she is in his arms 

She needs alone time every once in a while

She loves to look out the window

and she falls asleep if you take her on a walk outside 

So many different moods in one shoot. I love my crazy girl. 

Radiation

Today, Stuart met with a sarcoma specialist. We were hoping that we could be done with this whole cancer thing but turns out that is not the case. The specialist recommended radiation therapy. The type of cancer that was found in Stuart's leg is an aggressive one and due to that and the size of the tumor, Stuart will have to have radiation treatment on his leg every day for 4 - 6 weeks. The cancer should respond to the radiation and it should take care of the cancer if there is any left inside of Stuart. He will also need to have whole body scans every 3 months for two years. The treatment will start once the incision on his leg is fully healed.

We are feeling many things at this point. We are grateful that as of now the radiation is more precautionary then vital. We know that if the scans had shown anything, the radiation treatment would have been a long shot to save Stuarts life. We are grateful that this highly aggressive cancer was taken out of Stuart when it was, that God allowed us to want this bump in Stuart's leg out instead of leaving it alone when that is what was recommended. We are concerned about the treatment and the fact that radiation can produce it's own cancer. I am really sad that Aila and I may have to go a month and a half with out touching Stuart and the fact that scans are needed so often makes me scared.  We are a bit anxious to see how Stuart is going to have treatment for so long and still work, we are also tired, frustrated, joyful, anxious, peaceful, and so many other things.

Our lives are not at all what we thought they would be but they aren't anything than what they should be. We have never known what the future held for us and to be honest we still don't. Tonight though, I have a wonderful husband and a very cute daughter that I love dearly and can snuggle with. It's a crazy life but one enjoyed with a wonderful God.

Results

Last night was tough. Stuart's surgeon had advised him to take the butterfly stitches which were holding his wound together off on Monday, but Stuart felt they needed a little more time so he took them off on Wednesday. Everything looked fine and then a few minutes later "POP" the wound basically burst open. He went to the ER which bound the wound and had Stuart make an appointment with his surgeon the next day (for those interested, Stuart has a picture of the open wound. It's kinda gross). So he has an appointment today at 4pm to see what to do about that. The biggest bummer about that whole situation is that now Stuart can't use his leg which makes it very difficult for him to help out with Aila which is a frustration for him. All of this brought our spirits a little lower as we headed off to get the results of Stuart's scans, Stuart on crutches as I held the diaper bag, the baby carrier, and grabbed my keys so that I could drive us all to the hospital.

The doctors appointment was a quick one. I walked into it very anxious and was near tears as the nurse took Stuarts vitals, as she left she told us the doctor would be in to see us shortly and I was barely holding it together. The doctor walked in and had Stuarts files in her hand, looked it over briefly and then the conversation went something like this "Well, as expected everything looks good but I'm not done with you yet I still want you to see a specialist. Hey, your a computer guy right? Can you help me? I'm trying to download this song and it's not working" It took me a second to realize what she said. Stuarts scans were all clear...they were all clear!!!! It was weird to be anticipating results with such intensity and have it glossed over so quickly but what do I care, Stuarts scans were all clear.

So...what's the next step? We need to make an appointment with a specialist to see what he recommends for Stuart's leg and we will take it from there. For now we take a deep breath and try to enjoy the fact that there wasn't any cancer found any where else in Stuart's body.

Lots of Pictures

It's Saturday! Which means that while Stuart has his much needed Aila time, I get to catch up on posting pictures up on the blog. 

Aila's first visit from the doctor. 

First Hearing Test 

Getting ready to go home

Leaving the hospital. 

Going Home 

First Bath 

First Photo Shoot 

First Month 

"Your Whole Life is about to Change"

One thing I heard over and over again when I was pregnant was "your whole life is about to change", and I knew that it most definitely would. Soon I would have a little girl who I would be raising, who would have my heart and my constant attention. What I didn't know it meant was that my WHOLE life was about to change, every little part, how I eat, how I sleep, even how I shower. 

Before I had a daughter it wasn't a question if I would shower first thing in the morning or not. When I woke up I would decide if it was a long shower or a short shower, I would brush my teeth afterwards and then meander over to my closet and stare at it for a while until I picked something to wear. Then back to the bathroom to put on make up and decide what I wanted to do with my hair. At least that is what I remember. 

Nowadays showers, like everything else, is a game of beat the clock. I have to wait till Aila is almost asleep in order to take a shower. Not totally asleep or else I will wake her when I put her down, nope I have to get it just right. When I see her start to blink her eyes sleepily that's when I know I have about 15 seconds to get myself into the bathroom. I put the shower on, which startles her, but she likes the noise and starts to fall deeper to sleep. I put her down in her bassinet and keep one eye on her while I jump in the shower. I may have a half hour or I may have 3 minutes before she wakes up and starts to cry so I go as fast as I can. If she is still sleeping I jump out of the shower but leave the water running to buy me some precious time to put my pjs back on and if I still have time I am then able to brush my teeth. I put the water off and she starts to cry. I quickly grab a rubber band to put my hair up so that she doesn't pull on it and I pick up my screaming child and take her to the nursery to sooth her. 

My whole life has definitely changed, for the better of course, but dang. 

(I wanted to do a one month post for Aila but haven't had the time and she's almost two months so here's a picture of her at one month) 

Nicknames

I'm not sure if you have ever noticed, but Stuart and I almost never call each other by our names. If you've heard us interact we call each other "my love" "hon" "sweetie" "wife/husband" and so on. So it's really no surprise that our daughter also has a variety of nicknames.

Our little angel is now 6 weeks old and so far some of her names include:
Honey
Pretty Girl
Beautiful
My little love
Toots
pterodactyl
Tommy gun
Bobble
She who bears the diaper of 1,000 wipes

We have had so much fun raising our little girl. She is still at an age where she sleeps most of the day so as far as outings are concerned she really hasn't slowed us down too much. She has been to two super bowl parties, daddy's work, birthday parties, baby showers, church, grace group, bible studies and many doctors appointments for herself and for her daddy. We have loved every moment with her. Things are getting a little more crazy as she gets older and is awake for more of the day so I am sure we will be slowing down soon but for now Stuart and I are soaking in every moment we can.

Here are some blurry cell phone pics I took of our precious girl.

I love that we have a window she loves to look at

Modest is hottest :) 

I had to take this off of her as soon as we got to the store. Turns out that even during a storm, California does not get cold enough to wear something this warm. 

I love this look!

First Meeting with the Oncologist

Today we met with Dr. P. It's weird to enter a building with the words "Cancer Center" over it. We knew we really wouldn't be finding out too much today but this appointment starts the long process of doctor visits we have in our future. It's all very unreal.

Stuart has now been scheduled for an MRI, CT Scan, and a PET Scan. The doctor has also requested a second opinion with a sarcoma specialist but we will not be able to schedule that until our insurance has approved the appointment. The reason for the second opinion is that our doctor feels like radiation is needed however she is hesitant because Stuart is so young and radiation can produce it's own fatal cancer. Not something we wanted to hear.

So here we are, waiting. That's all we really can do. It's hard and sometimes Aila makes the process easier, like when she's asleep and cuddled on my chest, and sometimes she makes it harder, like staying up all night resulting in only two hours of sleep for me but she is always a blessing.

She is now 5 weeks and smiling up at mom and dad, she grabs stuff with her tiny hands, and loves to lay in her boppy and look out the window. She is more active every single day and is starting to use her voice a little.

Life is a weird blend of heart ache and joy. Stuart and I can't keep our eyes off of Aila and keep exclaiming "She's so cute!" and yet at any moment I can burst into tears. I am very tired of the heaviness of heart that taints every part of life but here we are.

Thank you to everyone for the prayers, the meals, the encouragement, and the help with Aila. We appreciate you all. Keep praying for healing and for wisdom and that God may be glorified and that our faith may grow through out this whole process.

Cautiously Optimistic

Today the doctor said those three little words I was praying to hear, no residual sarcoma. He gave a fist bump to Stuart and the PA left the room to go see Aila. It was a short meeting but it was as good as I could have hoped.

So what this means for us is that there is no longer cancer in Stuart's leg. He will no longer need surgery as all of the extra tissue that they took out (and it was a lot) did not have any cancer in it. We are happy that he will now be able to heal and will hopefully soon have full use of his leg pain free. 

We now wait to meet with an oncologist so that he can scan the rest of Stuart's body, so please don't stop praying. This next step is the scariest. Quite frankly if these scans don't come back clear we're in a lot of trouble, but for now we sit here happy with the results we do have. 

We are praying that this cancer has not touched any other part of Stuart's body and that it doesn't infect our faith or yours. It is hard sometimes to see a person you love go through something potentially life threatening and still trust in the goodness of God but don't be fooled, one seemingly bad thing can never negate the goodness of God.

The bible says to taste and see that the Lord is good but for those who haven't I could see how God would be a little confusing right now, well quite frankly even for those who have, things are a bit confusing.

So I wanted to take a little time to spoon feed some of that goodness just incase you have forgotten what it taste like. First of all, God has shown his goodness to Stuart and me by taking on the punishment for our sin by dying on the cross and coming back to life, making a way for us to not only spend eternity with Him in heaven but also to be able to pray to Him and have a relationship with Him while we are here on earth. He has given this chance to everyone and Stuart and I have enthusiastically taken Him up on it. God is so good in doing this that if this blog stopped right here, it would be enough to show that even now God is so good, but He didn't stop there. Another great goodness God has given us is our dear Aila, who is now a little over a month old. He has also blessed Stuart and me with a relationship that we couldn't even dream of (more of that story in later posts). God has shown His goodness to us through our church family. Our elders took time to pray for us and our amazing congregation has been praying for us, cooking for us and encouraging us. More goodness is shown to us through our friends and family who constantly remind us that if we need something they are there to help. We are blessed. No matter what happens our God is good.