Reflection

Do you remember that kid who wanted you to give him something every time he did something gross? His mantra was usually "Hey what will you give me if I eat that?" or "What will you give me if I go..." I never understood this kid. My response was usually "Nothing!" with a look on my face that said "Why are you being stupid?!" No one was asking him to do anything yet he usually wanted to get paid for it.

There is a close kin to this kid but this new kid wants something for every good thing he does. This kid is the bane of all babysitters. His mantra is usually in response to being asked to do something "What do I get if I do?"

 I've been thinking a lot of these two kids because to my surprise I see them when I look into my heart these days. I have no control over my life so I try to get control by having God owe me a favor. "Hey God, what will you give me if I go talk to that person over there that no one likes" or "Hey God, what do I get if I read my Bible every day this week?" I don't do this consciously but I realize that when I don't get something, I get disappointed. That the whole reason I did a good thing was that God could give me something and when he doesn't, like the little boy who didn't get money for doing something no one asked, I'm shocked, sad, and maybe a little angry. Many of us do this, whether we are bargaining with God or with life, we expect to cosmically be paid when we do good or when we have sacrificed.  In regards with Stuart's cancer, if the Lord decides to heal him completely, I can be assured it is because of nothing I have done. God doesn't work that way.

Psalm 40:6-8 says "In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,    but you have given me an open ear.
Burnt offering and sin offering    you have not required. 
Then I said, “Behold, I have come;    in the scroll of the book it is written of me:
I delight to do your will, O my God;    your law is within my heart.”

Psalm 50:16-17 
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

What God wants from me is a contrite heart that delights in doing His will. The sad thing is, as soon as I figure that out, my heart asks "Then do I get what I want?".  I want to get to the point where getting what I want is not a factor to how I live this life. The Lord, out of His goodness, blesses me in so many ways and I am so silly to think I can manipulate Him in any way.